A precious child in pain
Shayla and I baked a cake today while Christi slept.
What a difference a day makes! I am so thankful that we made Christi’s “movie” yesterday.......today was a different story! She was incredibly miserable not leaving the couch until 3:00 PM. The night was another horrible one as she came and crawled in and said it hurt behind her right eye, but that her chest felt better. (Did I know her chest hurt previously??? I think she failed to mention that.) After Shayne administered more narcotics, I rubbed her back trying to get her comfortable and back to sleep. She told me that the worst pain now is her head and a new area- along the bottom part of her right lower rib cage and the muscles inside around it. (Sounds like the liver, eh? Oh, no, dear Lord!) She hardly ate spending the day curled up on the couch with Grandpa sitting kindly beside her and Buttercup also sleeping at her feet.
At one point today I was packing her suitcase when she called for me. She told me that she was scared and not to leave her again. This broke my heart as I know she's soon heading out. She also had some vomitting today, but I think that's from the dilaudid (a pain med she's taking).
Shayne and I made some difficult decisions regarding treatment or not, resuscitate or not, etc. While we’ve made these decisions all along it’s amazing how your mind wants to do one thing and your heart the other when the time actually comes. How can you go down without an all out fight? How can you say goodbye by choice? This is beyond brutal. It goes without saying; we’ve shed rivers of tears and feel absolutely horrible about how quickly she’s declined in the past six days. Dr. Maris said that he will be waiting for Christi at the hospital tomorrow morning and he will help manage her pain. (He didn’t mention the words “get started on a new treatment” which is what I wanted to hear!!) Perhaps she can one last time be a “come back kid” yet that is not likely at all even though I’m not willing to accept that.
Because her pain is rapidly increasing and watching her suffer like we never have been has been gut wrenching, we decided that they will head for Philadelphia tonight. This will also provide the many conveniences of having their own transportation, which is huge and keeps them from needed others to help them so much. Finally, they can take more "stuff" this way and we know how Christi likes her "stuff". (jogging stroller, pillows, certain stuff animals, and foods etc.) We know treatment can’t possibly start before Wednesday; however, pain management can start tomorrow.
So, out of nowhere, about 2:30 she started eating and working on her power point slide shows she’s creating, even joking that she could add some more exciting animation to my teaching slides and my students would really like it if I ever want help. We finished a family book we had been reading and a family video we were in the midst of and then she wanted to call her Cousin Shelby. She sat on the computer and played computer games, ate and chatted happily away with Shelby for nearly two straight hours! You can’t imagine my joy to see her doing something so normal after such a harsh night and morning. Praise the Lord!
Do you think Buttercup likes her new Halloween outfit?
Thanks to many “Christi Fans” sending soft blankets over the years, I made her a little “bed” in the back of the van with eight (yes 8) blankets that were sent to her with love. I can’t think of better comfort to get her to Philadelphia than being surrounded by lovingly made blankets sent from well wishers! (I did not say the “safest” way to travel, but given the circumstances I’m willing to risk it.) Shayne plans to head out about midnight so he can pull right into the hospital about 9:00 AM. This will save them from having to get a hotel room and will allow Christi to hopefully be as comfortable as she possibly can be “at this time” to get her there.
I pray for safe travels and for Shayne’s strength and energy for what will be trying days ahead. I pray for peace and comfort for Christi and for Shayla’s mental health as this must all be so confusing for her. I’m going to miss them like never before.
A final cuddle as they'll soon be apart.
Yes, as noted in the pics she's still wearing yesterday's clothes. I'll soon get her in the shower before they head out, but she's been hurting so much in recent days I've hated to make her even more uncomfortable. May God bless, Christi.
PS: Thanks to all for offering to help me with Shayla, to go to the east coast with Shayne, or (here's the funniest one yet: Dress up like me and go teach for me! What a hoot!) We appreciate your showering of love, compassion and support. It does "take a village" and we thank you from the bottom of our hearts!! You are right; Christi is a child of many!