Trying Week

(PIC: After Sunday's recital we rushed to her 4H meeting. She is in green here demonstrating what she's learning about in her "Theater Project Book".)I knew this week would be a killer as I was scheduled to receive my first Candidacy Exam question on Monday morning. There will be four this summer. I negotiated the content with each of my four Professors serving on my doc committee, but I will not know the exact question (actually like 4-5 questions within one) until they arrive via email. I will then have ten days to write to each question (a 20-30 page response and references). At the end of the summer is a two hour oral defense and at the time I will find out if I'm a Ph.D. Candidate, or not. I knew the pressure this summer would be enormous, but I also told myself it's an opportunity, a culminating event, to showcase what I've learned in all of my coursework. Quite frankly, I'm scared to death and I was grateful that Shayla was scheduled to be at Ritz Theatre camp all week so I could solely focus on my writing.

(Another 4-H pic)Little did I realize that the emotions of this week would hit me so hard. While it is not true, it seems like I've spent more time crying and sleeping this week than writing. Even though I did it last year, taking Shayla to Ritz Camp (something Christi loved so much) and not Christi has been an absolute killer! I thought my next big challenge would be June 19th, but this one came out of no where and caught me off guard! One day while waiting to pick up Shayla and Donna after camp, one of the directors was talking to a parent in the lobby. She was stating how someone in NYC gave a scholarship so another child could attend. She never once mentioned Christi and the reason sweet Arabella did that; she never mentioned the scholarship Shayne and I gave in Christi's memory; I was heartbroken as I just sat there in a daze. I know she doesn't know who I am and most likely didn't see me sitting there, but I just sat there and was so hurt. Most likely just because it's been a horrendous week.

(I thought in case "Swiffer" died it'd be a good idea to have a 4H project back up so she could still take part in the fair. Therefore, in this picture she's telling her 4H Club about her Theater Project.)Shayla has commented many times, "How did Christi come home and memorize everyone's lines in the play?" It's hard just to memorize mine! Shayla has had an incredible week. I am so thankful for that. I've been out to the cemetery countless times this week.

(PIC: Shay with Grandma Nee Nee) Last year Shayla wanted to be the dog. Only one child in her class got to be the dog, the rest were mice. While Shayla came to love being a mouse, she always remembered she wanted to be a dog more. Well, they are doing "The Wiz" this year (a spinoff from "The Wizard of Oz"). She thought maybe she could be Toto, until I told her I was certain that would go to the older students. Well, much to my shock and surprise, she came home the first night TOTALLY EXCITED (Think Shayla on Red Bull) jumping into my arms telling me, "I'm Toto!" (She's called "Macho" in this play.) Although she's missed some of the fun activities with her class this week because she's had to be on stage practicing so much, she said she is fine with that and she loves her part so much. I cannot wait until this weekend to see her, even if it will be a killer not to be there waiting for Christi to come on stage too.

(PIC: Shay with Grandma Nonee. Check out those CHOCOLATE roses grandma brought her. So cute! Shayla loved them. Yum!) Well, time to count my blessings, say my prayers and get back to my writing!