Barnyard

Christi's suffering has accelerated over the past 24 hours. Tonight she broke through what could be held back by motrin. I had to turn to dilaudid. This coming week is shaping up to be a challenging one. Will her pain allow her to travel comfortably? Does Doctor Maris have another rabbit in his hat? Angela and I fretted over whether we should wake her and give her pain medicine (we should have and didn't) which was just a proxy for all the decison we will need to make. Having watched so many cancer parents go through this before us has not cleared the path for us it has only served to enhance our dread of what probably lies ahead. There is no way around, we must just go over the rocky trail ahead.

As Christi writhed in pain tonight lying between us, my thoughts were on my failure to properly anticipate her pain and subsequent medication needs. A wave of guilt washed over me as I realized that I was wallowing in self pity while she suffered. Wednesday night we went to see the animated movie Barnyard with my dad. The patriach in the show proclaims that "As long as I am still kicking NO ONE will get harmed inside this fence". Powerful in the movies, yet far from what we can achive outside hollywood. Many of you Christi fans have been with us through the ups and downs of the past four years. Thank you for your support, we wish we could deliver a happy hollywood ending, however, we did not write this script. The Thomas Team members are but supporting actors. We will continue to stand our ground and not back down-we have a lot fight left -I am just not sure of how much time.

Shayne