The Walls Came Tumbling Down

Shayne made it to the cemetery; I couldn’t bring myself to go out there yesterday. It’s all just so sad. I try to remember her last Easter with us and how well she was feeling and how happy she was, yet it does little to ease my sorrow. I tell myself she’s free of pain, yet it doesn’t help with my own selfish desire of wanting her here in my arms and wanting to see her face discovering her Easter basket.

Much to my shock, yesterday at school one of my sweet sweet students inquired during class, “Mrs. Thomas, you seem depressed or something today. Are you ok?” That totally caught me off guard, but I immediately reassured her everything was fine and with spring break starting on Thursday how could I not be happy. I think she believed me; at least I didn’t hear her mutter “Liar! Liar! Pants on fire!” under her breath or anything (smile). She responded, “Well that’s good because you don’t seem like your usual happy self today.” I made it through the day ok, got Shayla to her jazz class, purchased items for her Easter basket, took her to her final ice skating lesson and then came home……and sobbed. And then like a fool, finished reading "Friedrich" by Hans Peter Richter. The Jewish boy who captured my heart died.

Today I had high hopes of removing all of the items that were on the display boards at the funeral home, but I don’t know if I can bring myself to do that just yet. I will one day scrapbook about Christi’s life, but I need to get everything sorted out first. Those boards may just have to wait until more time has passed. (Besides I do smile when I remember how one of my aunts told me that it was the only time a funeral home ever looked like an elementary classroom with all of Christi’s pictures and art work on display!) I recently told a colleague at lunch that I finally cleared out Christi’s bedroom. She told me that was wonderful. She lost her son ten years ago and there are things in his room she still hasn’t touched.

My k-6 elementary and 9-12 high school and Shayne’s high school was demolished this week. I didn’t think I’d be so sad to see it, but I was moved. Although I remind myself how incredible our new school is, seeing our old one – along with all of our wonderful memories – torn down added d to my sadness.

ON A MUCH BRIGHTER NOTE: Shayla decided to take Swiffer to the fair and to enter him in the "Pet Rabbit" category. I read all of the posts and emails to her about the tattooing and that was helpful in her decision making - THANK YOU!