Support For Christi Thomas

This blog is to help offer support to the Thomas Family and their daughter, Christi, in her battle against cancer. Please visit Christi's website at to learn more. There, you'll find journals, photos and a lots of other information about this amazing child and her family.

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Thursday, March 20, 2008

The Walls Came Tumbling Down

Shayne made it to the cemetery; I couldn’t bring myself to go out there yesterday. It’s all just so sad. I try to remember her last Easter with us and how well she was feeling and how happy she was, yet it does little to ease my sorrow. I tell myself she’s free of pain, yet it doesn’t help with my own selfish desire of wanting her here in my arms and wanting to see her face discovering her Easter basket.

Much to my shock, yesterday at school one of my sweet sweet students inquired during class, “Mrs. Thomas, you seem depressed or something today. Are you ok?” That totally caught me off guard, but I immediately reassured her everything was fine and with spring break starting on Thursday how could I not be happy. I think she believed me; at least I didn’t hear her mutter “Liar! Liar! Pants on fire!” under her breath or anything (smile). She responded, “Well that’s good because you don’t seem like your usual happy self today.” I made it through the day ok, got Shayla to her jazz class, purchased items for her Easter basket, took her to her final ice skating lesson and then came home……and sobbed. And then like a fool, finished reading "Friedrich" by Hans Peter Richter. The Jewish boy who captured my heart died.

Today I had high hopes of removing all of the items that were on the display boards at the funeral home, but I don’t know if I can bring myself to do that just yet. I will one day scrapbook about Christi’s life, but I need to get everything sorted out first. Those boards may just have to wait until more time has passed. (Besides I do smile when I remember how one of my aunts told me that it was the only time a funeral home ever looked like an elementary classroom with all of Christi’s pictures and art work on display!) I recently told a colleague at lunch that I finally cleared out Christi’s bedroom. She told me that was wonderful. She lost her son ten years ago and there are things in his room she still hasn’t touched.

My k-6 elementary and 9-12 high school and Shayne’s high school was demolished this week. I didn’t think I’d be so sad to see it, but I was moved. Although I remind myself how incredible our new school is, seeing our old one – along with all of our wonderful memories – torn down added d to my sadness.

ON A MUCH BRIGHTER NOTE: Shayla decided to take Swiffer to the fair and to enter him in the "Pet Rabbit" category. I read all of the posts and emails to her about the tattooing and that was helpful in her decision making - THANK YOU!


At 20/3/08 4:29 PM, Blogger Olivia said...

Angela, you were on my mind so much yesterday. Anniversaries are so difficult. My heart goes out to you. I found myself crying at work reading your March 19th post. I can't imagine how difficult the day was for you. Sending many hugs to you.

So glad to hear about Shayla's decision for the 4H fair. I know Swiffer will be excited to show off his stuff!

Loads of love,

PS- Angela, I read that book years ago and loved it!! Though, it made me cry too.

At 20/3/08 7:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Angela - I wish I could be there to give you a big hug and try to make you feel better, it's so unfair! You clearly have such loving students. For the record - I think you've done more with Christi's belongings than I ever would have been able to had I been placed in your situation.

When they demolished our old middle school building to start constructing the new one I felt the same way.

I'm so glad to hear Shayla is entering Swiffer in the showing (by the way - is it Swifter or Swiffer? - because the last entry about Shayla's rabbit says something different). I immediately felt a spring in my step knowing she'll be so happy to enter this category.

At 20/3/08 11:50 PM, Blogger brooke said...

Hi Angela -
I just wanted to stop by and tell you that you are in my thoughts and prayers these days.
"Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted."

I hope you are able to find that comfort this weekend.

Oh - and I also wanted to tell you how amazed I am at the schedule you keep - between teaching young people to teaching adults, to taking PhD level classes! I really hope that none of the classes you've been taking with your whacky schedule have been stats classes! They kicked my rear end. Agh. Anyhow - you inspire me to do more - thanks. (I'm a fellow PhD student in a college of education, but I'm a research assistant so I am only scheduled to work 20 hours a week).

Brooke Robertshaw in Logan, UT.

At 21/3/08 7:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've been reading your blog for quite awhile now. Don't remember ever commenting before. I think I found you through Amazing Jacob. I just wanted to tell you that I think you are an amazing woman and that you are such an inspiration to me. My family is going through a struggle right now and you give me hope that I can stand strong against the tidal wave of grief and despair. I know you don't feel strong. People tell me all the time that they don't know how I can be so strong. I laugh on the inside thinking I am not strong at all. I am scared and weak and angry. But on the outside you show me that I must hold my head up, put a smile on my face, and keep on living. You are my hero.

from Toledo

At 21/3/08 10:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thinking of you all this Easter weekend, and knowing you're missing your special angel so much right now. Sending you great big hugs and prayers for a blessed Easter.

At 22/3/08 1:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The attachment to your old school and your sense of loss are most understandable. We are just beginning the process of building in Clyde, and people are already missing the buildings that will be torn down.

Kids sure are perceptive, aren't they? Sounds like your student was expressing her care and concern and was then smart enough to keep her true opinion to herself.

Did you all get the six inches of snow last night? Sorta' puts a damper on the egg hunts:)

At 22/3/08 3:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Happy Easter Thomas Team!! I read your site daily.. it is my favourite website! You are an amazing family, a true example to us all. Lots and lots of love Isabel xxx


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