Today's family get together, with Shayne's dad's side of the family, was wonderful. (Thank you, Vicki & Shawn!) We left to head back for our home before Lowell did so that Shayne could get the fire started. When Grandpa arrived, imagine Shayla's shock to learn that she won the 50/50 - $93.00!! WOW! For a little girl who has been doing little chores for me all summer to earn money for a wii and who only had $43.00 saved so far, imagine her delight! (After Grandpa told her she won the 50/50 she said, "But I don't remember playing the 50/50. Well, apparently Grandpa bought ten tickets and put her name on them - too sweet!)

I donned my OSU hat and shirt as proper attire for tonight's bonfire. Watching it all go up in smoke, was very satisfying! Weird and crazy, I know - but it was! (PIC: Burning one of many stacks of articles, no longer needed!)

What I keep thinking about (and truly trying not to) was that the start of school turned out to be a shocker on a two occasions. After looking forward to it for so long, Christi only attended school for 9 days and then the five year old was diagnosed with cancer and she never returned that year. Then, four years later, as a 9 year old fifth grader, she only attended school for four days and she never ever returned. Perhaps that is why I am dreading the start of the school year. It brings back horrific memories, still so vivid.

I love teaching; I love our great kids! I know I'll be fine once I get there, or soon after, but my stomach and emotions are really in knots right now. About a year before Christi's disease took off, I spoke with a faculty member who lost her 6th grade son. I told her then that I worried about how I would ever go in Christi's room, or face her friends in school if she died. My colleague told me that her son's friends are what kept her going. She said she knew that they'd never forget Andy and she went to almost all of their sporting events all throughout school and has been invited to many of their graduations weddings. (Shayla and I wrapped a pretty new purple bow around "Andy's Tree" planted after his death in 1991 in his front yard and said some prayers for him on Thursday.) I hope what my colleague found comfort in may in fact give me comfort too. I know I would be hurt if I didn't get invited to their graduations. They will probably never know how very special they all were to Christi and that I feel horrible about what they had to go through because of Christi's death. It's all so wrong!

Quite frankly, I'm also concerned that Christi's friends may be uncomfortable in my classroom. I'd hate that. I don't believe I'd ever set up an atmosphere/environment like that at all, but I do have about ten pictures of Christi setting around the room and I hope they are ok with that. Oh, so much to think about. I really need to stop! Soon Monday will be over, then the first week will be over and I think once October 1st arrives, I'll be ok. I pray that is the case.
Christi's First Day of School (PIC: 2002, She passed out papers for me while waiting to go to first grade. She woke up that morning and told me her back hurt, but I told her to "suck it up" because daddy was out of town and I had to work. Oh, I've replayed that so many times in my mind. You know, years later we talked about that and she told me she took little sips of air when it hurt because she thought that's what I meant would make her feel better. Oh!!!!)
(2006 - 5th grade Open House Night, getting her desk all assembled. It wasn't until January 2007 when I asked her teacher for her stuff back. I had another teacher friend put it in a brown bag so I couldn't see it and walk it out to my van. It wasn't until Feb. 2008 that I could open up the bag and go through it. School was such a special place to Christi - a place where she excelled and felt accepted and loved - a place where she felt "normal".)