Support For Christi Thomas

This blog is to help offer support to the Thomas Family and their daughter, Christi, in her battle against cancer. Please visit Christi's website at www.ChristiThomas.com to learn more. There, you'll find journals, photos and a lots of other information about this amazing child and her family.

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Saturday, August 23, 2008

Today's family get together, with Shayne's dad's side of the family, was wonderful. (Thank you, Vicki & Shawn!) We left to head back for our home before Lowell did so that Shayne could get the fire started. When Grandpa arrived, imagine Shayla's shock to learn that she won the 50/50 - $93.00!! WOW! For a little girl who has been doing little chores for me all summer to earn money for a wii and who only had $43.00 saved so far, imagine her delight! (After Grandpa told her she won the 50/50 she said, "But I don't remember playing the 50/50. Well, apparently Grandpa bought ten tickets and put her name on them - too sweet!)

I donned my OSU hat and shirt as proper attire for tonight's bonfire. Watching it all go up in smoke, was very satisfying! Weird and crazy, I know - but it was! (PIC: Burning one of many stacks of articles, no longer needed!)

What I keep thinking about (and truly trying not to) was that the start of school turned out to be a shocker on a two occasions. After looking forward to it for so long, Christi only attended school for 9 days and then the five year old was diagnosed with cancer and she never returned that year. Then, four years later, as a 9 year old fifth grader, she only attended school for four days and she never ever returned. Perhaps that is why I am dreading the start of the school year. It brings back horrific memories, still so vivid.

I love teaching; I love our great kids! I know I'll be fine once I get there, or soon after, but my stomach and emotions are really in knots right now. About a year before Christi's disease took off, I spoke with a faculty member who lost her 6th grade son. I told her then that I worried about how I would ever go in Christi's room, or face her friends in school if she died. My colleague told me that her son's friends are what kept her going. She said she knew that they'd never forget Andy and she went to almost all of their sporting events all throughout school and has been invited to many of their graduations weddings. (Shayla and I wrapped a pretty new purple bow around "Andy's Tree" planted after his death in 1991 in his front yard and said some prayers for him on Thursday.) I hope what my colleague found comfort in may in fact give me comfort too. I know I would be hurt if I didn't get invited to their graduations. They will probably never know how very special they all were to Christi and that I feel horrible about what they had to go through because of Christi's death. It's all so wrong!

Quite frankly, I'm also concerned that Christi's friends may be uncomfortable in my classroom. I'd hate that. I don't believe I'd ever set up an atmosphere/environment like that at all, but I do have about ten pictures of Christi setting around the room and I hope they are ok with that. Oh, so much to think about. I really need to stop! Soon Monday will be over, then the first week will be over and I think once October 1st arrives, I'll be ok. I pray that is the case.
Christi's First Day of School (PIC: 2002, She passed out papers for me while waiting to go to first grade. She woke up that morning and told me her back hurt, but I told her to "suck it up" because daddy was out of town and I had to work. Oh, I've replayed that so many times in my mind. You know, years later we talked about that and she told me she took little sips of air when it hurt because she thought that's what I meant would make her feel better. Oh!!!!)
(2006 - 5th grade Open House Night, getting her desk all assembled. It wasn't until January 2007 when I asked her teacher for her stuff back. I had another teacher friend put it in a brown bag so I couldn't see it and walk it out to my van. It wasn't until Feb. 2008 that I could open up the bag and go through it. School was such a special place to Christi - a place where she excelled and felt accepted and loved - a place where she felt "normal".)

6 Comments:

At 23/8/08 9:51 PM, Blogger Olivia said...

Oh, Angela, this post brought tears to my eyes. I miss Christi and I can't even begin to imagine how difficult it must be for you with school beginning and September approaching.

Many hugs to you. Christi is forever loved.

Olivia

 
At 23/8/08 11:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Angela,

You know how when you are suddenly with old friends again that you haven't seen for awhile, and it just feels like "home?" Even if you are nowhere near home...just being with those people again brings such comfort that it just FEELS like "home"?? I have a feeling that all those special friends of Christi will feel such COMFORT in being in your room and being able to be surrounded by Christi's pictures in your classroom, that that will do nothing but bring them that overwhelming comforting feeling of "home" that they have probably been missing in regards to their friendship with Christi. I have a feeling that your presence alone will be nothing but a comfort to them. I would guess that they are sitting at home this weekend, counting the days until they can be close to you again (physically) because it will make them feel closer to Christi (and I bet that on top of missing Christi, they also miss seeing you as often as they did in past years - I have a hunch, just from knowing you on this site alone over the years, that you are probably viewed as one of those "cool moms"...you know one of those moms that every preteen wishes THEIR mom was like!). Just a gut feeling... Not sure it made sense though!

 
At 24/8/08 3:39 AM, Blogger Tracy said...

I have been following this blog for about 4 years now. I dont often post, but wanted tolet you know that I will be thinking of you and praying for you tomorrow!

 
At 24/8/08 7:18 AM, Blogger Leece said...

Hello. My prayers will be with you as you start school. I'm sure the students and thier parents are wondering what it will be like to have Christi's Mum teaching them...is it ok to mention Christi, isn't it ok...lots of things to think about. Maybe you should just address it all on the first day, let the childrens share memories with you to cut out any awkwardness, I don't know, but my prayers really are with you. You will be fine and Christi will be with you in your heart the entire time so you'll be teaching her too. Love and prayers.

 
At 24/8/08 10:37 AM, Blogger Aimee Jackson said...

I'll be thinking about you as the school year starts. I know you will do just fine, and your students will be just so happy to have the best teacher in the school.

I hope Shayla loves her Wii as much as we love ours. It is our favorite system. Just heed my warnings about the WiiFit program if you were to get it. Not for those with body image problems! (I love it though... I apparently need to be insulted on a daily basis in order to lose weight). But I'm sure she would want more of the fun games. Anyway, I remember when I was about her age when I started saving up for my first 10-speed bicycle. It took me all summer of saving allowance, birthday money, and doing extra odd-jobs and chores for family and neighbors, but that bike meant more to me than any other thing I owned. It was a great feeling of accomplishment to be able to go to the store and put my own money down for it. Shayla is such a great kid. I know how proud of her you are. I know her sister Christi is proud too.

We miss you all.

Love and prayers,

Aimee
www.caringbridge.com/ny/kendall

 
At 24/8/08 3:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My girl Chelsea (Jan 8 1992-June 8 1999) died of lymphoma. This latest post of yours reminds me of my exact thoughts about her initial diagnosis. She had, honestly, "flu like" symptoms at first. She became pickier about eating, had a runny nose, and developed this sneeze that (even after diagnosis) confounded her doctors. I still remember Bernie (her primary) saying "I'll never figure out how the sneezing fits in."

I am still absolutely tortured over how we treated her with *antibiotics* for an entire week before she was accurately diagnosed. I was so impatient with her for not even trying to eat!!! The impatience that you off-handedly showed when Christi complained of her sore back, so reminded me of myself on that morning that I prepared all of Chels's favorites to entice her to eat just a little bit, and she looked at me like I was crazy and didn't take a single bite.

I go over and over every little symptom in my mind, every stomach ache, every cold, every sore knee. I worry that I wasn't vigilant enough and then remind myself that it took several agonizing trips to specialists and a hospitalization before the awful news that would devastate our lives was given to us so softly after an ultrasound. The ugly lesions were everywhere and I almost vomited right then and there. How could cancer grow for so long with no symptoms???? How could a little girl be so playful and joyful one day, and days later be discovered to be riddled with cancer???? What did I miss????

Shouldn't a mother know?

I second guess everything I did. And I miss her constantly. My beautiful sweetheart who had the biggest, most loving heart, and who deserved so much more than the 7 years she got on this earth. I don't even care if "heaven" is a better place now that she's there. I'm not interested in "heaven" I'm interested in *now*.

You were very brave admitting your "suck it up." The thing is, *none* of us ever expects that sneeze, ache, tummy upset, tiredness, runny nose--whatever the case may be---to be *cancer*. We don't fathom it for any child, let alone our beloved little girl. Of course you told Christi to "suck it up". Of course I thought Chels was being overly finicky. We never dreamed our babies had an illness that would take them away from our lives forever.

 

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