Open House

There's no way I can do this one tonight! Thankfully, Shayne will take Shayla to the elementary Open House. Emotionally, I'm not there; plus, I need to leave very early in the morning for Columbus for my exams, I have not been sleeping well, and I just want to stay at home, review and "chill" - not get myself worked up emotionally, right before my orals.
I was pleasantly surprised a couple of weeks ago when Shayla asked if she could use Christi's blue book bag for fourth grade. I could have cared less about paying for a new one, but what thrilled me was that she wanted Christi's 4th grade book bag for her 4th grade year too! In Christi's cursive written on the inside is "Christi Thomas," just the way she wrote it with "hearts" to dot the i's. It's beautiful!
Shayla is happy to have Mrs. Turco (The same teacher Christi had and a good friend). She recently told me, "Isn't it neat she used to babysit me when you had to be with Christi and now she's going to be my teacher? Remember when she took me trick-or-treating because Christi couldn't go out? Her husband let me ride on his lap on his wheelchair when they took me to the zoo." She did not remember this day (picture) when she got to go with Caroline and Kristen to a pumpkin farm after school. And since Shayne had her in 4th grade and has always said that she was his favorite teacher, we are pretty pleased too! I pray she has a wonderful year, unlike Christi's 4th grade one which started out great, but took a dive due to her health. Sweet Teacher Caroline did fly out and deliver Christi's grade card to her in the hospital though - so sweet.
Christi was unable to attend her Open House when she was 8 and going into Mrs. Smith's 4th grade because I had to fly with her to Philadelphia. Caroline told us when she'd be at school and I took Christi up another time to organize her desk and feel like she had her "Open House" too. She was feeling great then, but it was the start of the downfall. She'd really only attend the first part of fourth grade with "all hell breaking loose" the second semester.
When Christi started fifth grade, she was so excited on Open House night - meeting her new teacher and getting her desk all set up. To me, it's soooooo sad that she only attended for four days and that was it. The kid loved school! It seems like all that was yesterday and I think that's why I cannot possibly talk myself into going tonight. I also keep being haunted with what she told me during that horrific last week in Philly about open house night; it hurts. She told me something like, "Mom, it was just so hard to give away that one beaded key chain. I really liked that one." (One of the elementary schools had closed so to make the new girls welcome, Christi made each one a beaded gift from a little kit. She worked so hard on those knowing it'd be hard to move to a new school. When she told me that in Philly, it was so hard not to cry. Of course, now I don't have to hide my tears from her and I do!)
I am really dreading starting school. I sometimes just picture looking out into my students' faces and bursting into tears. May God give me strength to put on my best acting skills and do what I need to do this year. My students deserve that! They really are great kids; Christi was so lucky to have wonderful friends and classmates! I just wish she could be with them too!