Try to Sleep...
Pictures: Baptism, June 1997First Holy Communion, April 2004
Shayne holds cell phone as Shayla wants to talk with CT.
Angela holds Christi s hand at bedside
"In the absence of miracles an dcures, there is human kindness". (Great quote on that card, Caroline! That really sums it up!)
We've had three times tonight when we thought "this is it". All three have brought us to rivers of tears, all three have found us calmly talking with Christi telling her how much we love her, telling her how wonderful the place she is going will be, telling her she'll always be in our hearts and that we'll be okay with our her and telling her that she's the first in our family to get to meet Jesus. (Christi always likes being "first".) As of this moment, she's still here and I'm typing from her bed where I've been perched most of the day trying to soak in every last sight, smell, and sound of this little girl who, as a result of spending so much intense time together over the past four years, is like a part of Shayne and I. When she soon dies, a huge part of us will also die.
Shayla broke our hearts tonight when she wanted Christi to tell her her username and password to get on to her computer site back home. Christi's so heavily sedated that she has been unresponsive since early this morning when she said, "bathroom" yet couldn't even hold her head up and could only cry in pain and tell us, "I hurt everywhere." Watching her suffer like this is horribly cruel. While a very selfish part of me wants her to stay like this for days, I continue to pray to God to please not let her experience any more pain and please call her Home soon.
The funeral plans are begining to mesh. I just feel that this little Princess is quite deserving of a royal send off! And quite frankly, since there will be no graduation party, wedding or baby shower to help plan - this is it! (Thanks, Kelly, for taking care of the dove release which will be held at the cemetary. Only YOU can know and understand the pain of watching your precious baby's body being destroyed with this evil cancer monster.)
I do not know if she will make it through the night, but I'm going to put my head back and try to catch a few zzzzzzs - if I can.
posted by The Binary Biker @ 11:17 PM
26 Comments:
My heart is breaking for all of you.
You are continually in my prayers.
Kate
It's all you can do, to just sit there and love her. And what a privilege. You brought her into this world, and you will help her to leave it gracefully. But oh! how I wish for you that things could be different. Christi is part of my life now, and that of so many, many others. Please know that oceans of love and tears are surrounding you and Christi and little Shayla from all corners of the world. I'm praying Christi will know NO MORE PAIN. And that she'll have some more conscious moments with you, to hear of your love and to feel your comfort. When the time is perfect, Jesus will meet her and escort this little princess personally. She will be fine...it's you three who will need our prayers and our care and concern. So many of us would just like to DO something...but praise God you have a lot of close family and friends, and they are not going to let you go through this alone. The one thing I learned, in my grief after our Nathan's death, is that God is more than sufficient. He cares about our deepest, most whispered need, and He weeps with us. Lean on Him...trust Him...
praying for you constantly,
Jennifer in Oregon
Oh Thomases - I cannot stop by tonight without leaving a note. I'm praying for y'all - for all 4 of you. I just wanted you to know that tonight.
-Brooke, in Logan, UT
These photos of her as a little(r) girl are so beautiful and bright. I'm so sorry to hear that the pain has returned again. Those words "without a doubt, she knows she is loved" from a number of blogs ago have been following me around for days. I'm so grateful that she is so incredibly loved and she knows it. In the most horrifying of times, that shines through. I have so much admiration for you and Shayne. Praying for you with all my heart,
Eugenia
praying for a soft, sweet passing for your little angel. i wish for her long golden days and warm fields of long grass, of a place where there is no pain, no treatments, no needles...and no neuroblastoma. i wish for soft wings to take her home, and for strong guiding hands to help her find her way.
goodbye dear little girl. you have made the world a better place.
Dear Thomas Team,
I have been following and praying quietly. Tonight, my tears of heartbreak are falling for all of you. Christi is such a courageous fighter with such a strong spirit. I pray she will find rest and peace. May you also be held by our prayers of strength and comfort. I will continue to pray as your cancer journey takes this sudden and tragic turn.
~Fly high precious Christi~
Jenn B.
Hi there. I'm just another mom who stumbled across your blog a few days ago and am now keeping tabs on your sweet family.
I can't imagine going though what you are but I'm confident that God's grace is sufficient in every situation. I pray tonight for an extra measure of that grace for each member of your family.
I'm reminded tonight of lyrics from a Wayne Watson song that I wanted to share:
----
HOME FREE
I'm trying hard not to think you unkind
But Heavenly Father If you know my heart
Surely you can read my mind
Good people underneath the sea of grief
Some get up and walk away
Some will find ultimate relief
Home Free, eventually
At the ultimate healing we will be
Home Free Home Free, oh I've got a feeling
At the ultimate healing
We will be Home Free
Out in the corridors we pray for life
A mother for her baby, A husband for his wife
Sometimes the good die young
It's sad but true
And while we pray for one more heartbeat
The real comfort is with you
You know pain has little mercy
And suffering's no respecter of age, of race or position
I know every prayer gets answered
But the hardest one to pray is slow to come
Oh Lord, not mine, but Your will be done
----
Grace and peace to you.
good morning Angela and Shayne...I have also been up most of the night...you are both doing a beautiful job with Christi on her journey to heaven. I love you. xoxo
My heart just breaks for all of you! I too will pray for a "soft landing" for Christi - welcomed into her eternal home on the wings on angels! Oh, how I can picture her soaring!! And I pray for peace for those who love her so very much!! I have no doubt that her Celebration of Life will be one that befits your wonderful Christi!!
God bless you and hold you during this most horrific time.
Love -
Kim
I'm so glad that you got a chance to meet this beautiful soul and also that you had time to say goodbye.
I'm glad for every moment that you got to spend with her and every little smile. It was a truly wonderful gift.
Blessed be.
Marc
Dearest Angela and Shayne,
Oh how my heart breaks to see Christi's precious body being destroyed by this evil, evil cancer.
I pray that her passing to Heaven will be peaceful and swift. I pray for strength for you and Shayne to live here on earth without your baby in your arms. May God wrap His loving arms around you.
With all my love, prayers and tears too,
Heather
Good Luck to you Shayne and Angela through this rough time watching your child in so much pain and yet so helpless. There is nothing anyone can do to cure this girl, or I'm sure everyone would run to CHOP if there was. I would drop everything to make this girl better. I hope and pray her transition to heaven will be a safe and comfy one. PAIN FREE! Lord knows that is what she needs.
Sleep well little angel, we will all see you again in many years to come.
much love- Krystal
i'm sending all my love and strength your way.
It is absolutely unimaginable what you are going through. There are thousands of hearts breaking along with yours. Christi is in my heart and will always be.
Robin Brunet, Bradford, ontario Canada
My heart is breaking for you. . . Praying for no more pain.
Always in my thoughts and prayers.
Becky L. Harbarth
My heart is aching for your family. May God grant this sweet, precious angel the peace she deserves and your family the continued strength to get through this. Continuing prayer and love to you all.
Shayne and Angela,
We've never met, but you are in my thoughts today. This is all so sad and unfair. It's obvious that you are NOT people who needed to be tested in this way. Why do these nightmares happen to good people??What else can I say...? I'm praying hard for peace and comfort for you, and will continue to check on you in the coming hours and days...
God love you all and hold you close and bring Christi her Heavenly peace and health - she is a Princess and an Angel - some people can only dream of princesses and angels, you have held one in your arms and the nine years prior to this time will be what you remember - not the pain, but the glory of Christi and her LIFE!
When Tomorrow Starts Without Me
When tomorrow starts without me
And I'm not there to see
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me.
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today
While thinking of the many things
We didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me
I know you'll miss me too
But when tomorrow starts without me
Please try to understand
That an angel came and called my name
And took me by the hand
And said my place was ready
In heaven far above
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love
But when I walked through heaven's gates
I felt so much at home
When God looked down and smiled at me
From His great golden throne
He said, "This is eternity
And all I've promised you
Today for life on earth is past
But here it starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow
For today will always last,
And since each day's the same way
There's no longing for the past.
So when tomorrow starts without me
Don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me
I'm right here in your heart.
----------
"Some people come into our lives and move our souls to dance.
They awaken us to understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom...
They make our world more beautiful,
...Leave footprints in our hearts, and we are never, ever the same."
Christi has obviously left lots of footprints on lots of hearts around the world. I am glad to have been one of those.
May Christi peacefully ascend to her life in heaven and be forever flying free healed of this terrible disease.
Love, strength and courage to the entire Thomas family during this trying time in their life. Thank you for sharing your beautiful daughter with us !
-Melissa B
Although I've never met any of you, I do so feel the love you have for each other and I KNOW that love is able to conquer all. I can't even begin to imagine the anquish that you're all feeling and only wish I were able say something to make things easier for you. I found this poem and thought of your Christie. No matter what happens, that beautiful daughter of yours will live on forever in all all the hearts she's touched - "For Every Joy That Passes, Something Beautiful Remains."
Thinking of You, Raine
THE TIDE RECEDES
The tide recedes,
But leaves behind
Bright seashells on the sand.
The sun goes down,
But gentle warmth
Still lingers on the land.
The music stops,
And yet it echoes on
In sweet refrains...
For every joy that passes,
Something beautiful remains.
—Author Unknown
Bless you, bless you, bless you. I thought of your family all weekend long, prayed for you with all that I have, and just want to send all the love in the world your way. Bless you.
Keeping you in my thoughts and in my prayer's.Christi you are an amazing little girl and such a fighter.I have looked through all your picture's and you are beautiful.God is going to have a beautiful Angel with him when you spread your wings to fly.Your in my heart princess.
Angie and Shane,
This is the first time I have left a comment. Times before I found it too hard to even think of the words to say to you.
The Thomas Team has been in my thoughts,heart and prayers for years. You all have AMAZING strength. Please give Christi hugs and kisses for me.
Sabrina Sherick
bri_8519@yahoo.com
Thomas family,
I was wondering if maybe you have thought about starting a foundation in Christi's name so we(your faithful internet prayer group) can keep in touch with you and Christi's story in the future? I am a 30 yr old mother who has learned life lessons because of your daughter. She is brilliant and inspiring and I never want to lose that inspiration she has given me in so many facets of my life. Please keep posting, Christi is converting hearts across the world. Your pain is shared by so many and at the same time that pain is coupled with prayer. The Heavens are rejoicing in Christi's name, there is no doubt in my mind/heart and soul. I would not dare ask for the job you were given to give birth to an angel, a Saint, I compare your journey to that of Our Mother who watched her Son suffer so intensely...Our Lady is with you and the reward will be glorious.
JMJ,
Heather
Dear Thomas Family-
I wanted to make a suggestion to take pictures of Christ's hands and of her feet. We did that when Alexandria passed as well as making molds of her feet too. I never wanted to forget those precious things that are usually not captured in photos. My heart is so heavy for you all...there is NO greater pain one can endure. My hope is that Christi passes peacefully so that is image that you are left with...the angels, sent from Jesus calling for her and carrying her as she journeys from this world to her Heavenly Home. There she will be free to do the things she can no longer do on this earth...to run, to dance, to sing and read for eternity. I know Heavens gain is your loss and you will forever be changed. If you ever need anyone to talk to who has been there, I would be happy to anytime. I strongly relied on not only my faith, but caring friends who had walked this horrible path before me, to survive. This will be incredibly difficult for Shayla. My three other children, still to this day, have difficulties from the loss of their beloved older sister.
Lifting you up in prayer-
Alison, mom to Angel Alexandria
www.caringbridge.org/page/
alexandriasangels
www.alexandriasangels.com
Thinking of you and praying for you constantly.
I love you all dearly.
Christi is forever my hero.
Lots of love and prayers,
Heather
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