Past Birthdays

Christi's First Birthday (1998)

Forever My Baby You'll Be! (Christi, 1997)I have my two "sleeping baby" photos at the top of the stairs. I took this one to the funeral home and upon it's return Shayla said, "Mom, isn't that me?" I told her, "No, the other one is your sleeping baby picture." She said, "Oh. I always thought it was the other way around." We never talked about the baby pictures. Ever since then I keep wondering if Christi knew which baby picture was hers. Oh, I wish I could find out these things that died with her on that bleak September day.

I just love this picture! Christi seems to be saying, "Oh, for me??" when she came home after a busy birthday day and realized that Grandma Nee Nee stopped by and left her birthday present sitting on the kitchen table. (It was a stuffed cat; she named it Cocoa.)

The next day (May 13, 2002) the brand new five year old took Cocoa with her to the hospital where she had her tonsils removed. Little did we know it was the first of MANY surgeries she'd endure. (Photo: With the wonderful Mrs. B. who happened to be our awesome nurse when Christi was admitted to the local hospital in September of 2002 and the cancer journey began.)


I was very touched to receive the following from a fellow NB mom. We're hopeful Eden will be back home and able to make Christi's Tea Party, but we know the cancer world so we'll just keep our fingers crossed that Princess Eden can indeed join us!

Lisa lovingly wrote: Hi Thomas Team from Philly! We no more arrived and the present of Christi was apparent. Once we were settled in the RMH, Eden was hungry and wanted to run to McDonalds so as we were walking out we looked for a stroller for her and there were none to be found. As we headed for the door one of the Volunteers was walking our way with Christi’s Jogging stroller and asked if we would like to use it… I have seen it enough in pictures to know it was hers. I cried all the way to McDonalds. The next day Flashes of Hope showed up at Clinic to do pictures of Eden and asked if we knew Christi. Later that day after we were settled into our room I went to the kitchen and ran into another parent who’s Child has Neuroblastoma and once she found out we were from OH she asked if we knew Christi. Please know that Christi’s memory lives strong here in Philly as well as in the hearts of all who knew her!

After Christi died we went back to the Ronald House to pack up our room for the final time. We also donated Christi's big blue jogging stroller which served us well for all of Christi's treatment years. What was very symbolic was that it got a flat tire on that final trip to CHOP so we tried to explain to Ronald that it was a great stroller, but it needed the tire fixed and we often wondered if they ever fixed it or just threw it out. You can't imagine the comfort it gave me to read Lisa's email to know Christi's stroller is still helping other kids get around Philadelphia! Yahoo! Thank you, dear Lord!

For months I had imagined going out to the cemetery on Christi's birthday and releasing balloons. Now I've come to realize even though I feel like I should do this and that she'd love that, I just cannot muster up the courage to do so. Each time I catch a glimpse of the date and see it's so close to May 12th - always a very special time for our family, I am moved by grief. I vividly remember the very first time I held her in my arms in the recovery room following her birth and of course the last time I held her - after my plane landed in Philly and Tim safely drove us to the Ronald House. Even though her legs had been hurting all week and walking had been minimal, she burst through the gates outside of the Ronald House and jumped up right into my arms in her purple silky pajamas. I miss you so much, sweet Christi!

Eric surprises Christi by showing up at her party at the movies!Wasn't it just a year ago today when we knew it might be her final birthday so we hired a limo to pick up her friends from school to wisk them off to the ceramic shop and then to the movies? Weren't the Cooks just here to celebrate her special day? It's the oddest feeling. Like I can actually reach out and put my finger on it, then it was like she suddenly went out like a light. Well, as one can note by the time, it's been a very difficult week for us. We're going to somehow get through the weekend - her birthday, mother's day - oh my. May God be with us. We're not doing so well on our own.