Fair Days

Joan claims she's just like baby Jesus (no bed available for her) hee hee. Well, WE will always have a bed for her, so she arrived via ambulance tonight and we pray we can help keep her comfortable until her next surgery back in Toledo on Monday. As I watched them carry the gurney out of our home I couldn't help but think of how many times I worried about "them" carrying Christi's body out of our home. Thankfully, that never happened. I think this is the way it should be kids carrying for PARENTS, NOT the other way around.

While I waited to get Nee Nee's prescriptions filled, there were three books beside the counter. One called something like Childhood Illnesses and Diseases. I picked it up - NOTHING about "cancer" in it. (Wouldn't that be a great thing not to have cancer and children put together?!) The next book I picked up was "Carrying for your Elderly Parents" and I thought, "YES! That is the book I should be reading." Of course, always one looking for humor, the book I noticed next was, "Dealing with your Anxiety and Depression." One wouldn't bring about the other, right?! Hee hee! Regardless, I'm so glad Nee Nee is with us so we can help her with her meds, dressing changes, etc. (Not to mention seeing how much speed we can get up on the wheelchair that was also delivered tonight! Smile. Don't all mother-in-laws deserve a daughter-in-law like me?! Hee hee hee hee!)

Taking Shayla to the County Fair one day this week reminded me of what a little socialite she is! I am amazed by the number of people who know her. Kids and adults would come up to Shayla, or pass by Shayla, saying, "Hi, Shayla!" and I would have to inquire, "Who was that?" It was precious. She really is a sweetheart and I am so blessed to be her mommy. I cannot imagine going on after the death of your child without having another sweetie to be responsible for. I am not at all indicating it's like a replacement, it's certainly not, but it does make me love and care for her all the more knowing how easily she could also leave us. The responsibility also makes you have to actually get out of bed each day, even when you think you cannot. Kids are so precious!

Going to the fair was definitely not without heartache. I remember taking Christi to the fair, when she was very young, without Shayla - but never Shayla without Christi. Every year we would spend one day at our county fair. The girls would love seeing all of the animals and the art and 4-H project displays. (I on the other hand loved trying the yummy fair foods.)

This year, like so many others, we ran into one of Christi's best friends. This sweetie allowed Shayla to help her work in the barn, taking care of her 4-H animals (cows). Shayla, obviously, loved all of that and I found I had to go to the other side of the barn and call a good friend to chat. Christi had the greatest friends! How I wish she could have been there!

I sometimes have people tell me, "She's in a better place," most likely trying to give me comfort. This makes me respond with a smile on my face and often a nod of my head; however, I am really thinking, "You've got to be kidding! There couldn't be a better place than in my arms!" I miss her so and as the one year anniversary arrives, my dread, anxiety and fear increases. I spoke with Dr. Vela about it yesterday, while he was examining Shayla. I must assume this is normal.