Loss of an Angel

The feelings of nausea are large this morning. 9/11: On the one year anniversary of that horrible, evil attack on America, we decided to start a family tradition of doing something positive together as a family. It was the day five year old Christi was to begin her piano lessons and we were going to go to the Great Wolf Lodge (an indoor waterpark). Little did we know when all of that was arranged that instead one of our treasured daughters would be diagnosed with cancer. 9/11/06: The day I put Shayla on that plane by herself so that she could get back to school, her bunny and a "normal" life for a bit. As soon as the airlines walked her thought that door, I sat in a chair and cried my eyes out. It was not that I was worried about Miss Shayla flying solo - of course SHE could handle that (Could the people sitting around her? hmmmm). It was that I knew she would most likely never see her sister again and I didn't know what was in store for our family and if I was doing the right thing by sending her home. A few times this summer she told me that a third grader told her in the bathroom that Christi was still alive, but then we came home that night and told her she died at 9AM. I explained to her that we were not going to put anything on the internet to inform other people who cared about Christi until we told her, Christi's sister, first. I hope she will one day understand that. Back at the hospital, one year ago today, Christi joked with us the best she could about what Shayla might be doing on that Southwest Airlines flight, as an unaccompanied minor. "Maybe she's running up and down the aisles", etc. It was one of the final little bit of joking Christi was able to do and I'd give anything to go back one year ago and to be with her holding her little hand I know only have handprints of. (I am thankful and glad to at least have those!)



Loss Of An Angel

Precious One, we miss you so,
Now, we will never see you grow.
We miss that smile on our tiny face,
and your little body, we did embrace.
We miss holding you in our arms each day,
Believing you are in Heaven, we do pray.
The magic in your little hands and little feet,
Leave us with special memories, oh so sweet.
Our hearts feels so sad and empty now,
If only we could go back in time, somehow.
How blessed we were, when you were here,
You filled our lives with joy and cheer.
The gift of life, we gave to you,
Your days on earth were far too few.
Today, we live our lives a different way,
But our love is still with you, every day.

Jan Endres