Kenny!
I knew getting out of bed was going to be a challenge this morning. Not because we crawled in well after midnight, but because today is the nation-wide Alex's Lemonade Stands kick off and it is the Friday we held the Christi & Alex's Lemonade Stands at the Old Fort bank in 2004, 2005 & 2006. Christi just LOVED pouring that lemonade and while we think the cause is a great one, we just didn't have it in us to try to do another fundraiser without her here. Her lemonade stand was donated to Heidelberg College, yet this morning I cannot get Christi's happy little, giggly face - wanting to pour every single cup, out of my mind and I have visions of grabbing my keys, running into Heidelberg and rolling out that lemonade stand yelling, "Wait! She's back! We're going to do this again!" Yet, sadly I realize that is just my fantasy. Our deepest thanks to the loving supporters of her fundraisers!
Tonight will also be the big dress rehearsal night at the Ritz. Although I'm one of the moms helping with the girls, I fully intend to video and take pictures of the teachers' tribute dance to Christi. It won't be without tears pouring down my cheeks, but I want to capture it. Then I'll suck it up and get back to my mom responsibilities.
Last night's concert was absolutely tremendous! We were able to take our blanket to the family area (no smoking / no alcohol permitted). The girls loved it as they had plenty of room to run around in the grass; it was perfect. For five straight hours they laughed, played, danced and talked. Thankfully, I took sweet Ann Marie to the restroom when Kenny sang his song about the wife dying of cancer. I don't think I would have made it through and I never once could have looked up at Tony without breaking down. I sometimes try to give myself comfort by thinking that Ann Marie's beautiful mom is making sure Christi's ok with her in Heaven and tucking her in every night for me; however, my anger often takes over and asks God why Kay can't be here on earth for little Ann Marie and why Christi can't be back here playing with her friend. Most days I have more questions than answers, but I never change my mind about the beast of cancer - it's vile. Another sweet thing that happened last night was that a couple from Columbus recognized me from the website and came and introduced themselves. It was incredibly touching and very thoughtful of them. It gives me great comfort to know that Christi's journey has helped others and that she's not forgotten. We are very blessed!
This is how Shayla spent a lot of time last night. At one point she said, "I can't put my hand down. Kenny just might see me!" (We were sooooooo far in the back there was not a chance, but it was precious nevertheless.REMINDER: Christi Thomas Memorial Poker Run tomorrow
Saturday, June 9th
Register at Smugglers Bar and Grill in Tiffin (10:30 - noon)
Bikes leave at noon.
We hope to see you there!
posted by the Thomas team @ 7:07 AM
7 Comments:
I live in Las Vegas, Nevada and have followed Christi's journal for a very long time. I found it when searching for information on my niece's brain tumor. She is currently 10 and is paralyzed as a result of the cancer but we recognize every day that we are lucky to have her with us. I thought I wanted to pass on that the other day we had to put our 15 year old dog to sleep and through the tears I found myself asking Christi to meet our sweet little dog and take care of her. Later when our family was driving home I could only imagine Christi looking down on the world on seeing all these prayers/requests shooting toward her from all over the earth and wondering how she had become so well known to so many. She will always represent to me the beautiful innocence I have to look forward to one day. Thank you for your willingness to share your story.
I am so glad to hear you had such a good time at the concert. It must have been a nice way to celebrate. Shayla definitely looks like she had a great time.
I can completely understand why it would be too difficult to hold a Lemonade Stand. You have all done so much for the cause and inspired so many more to do the same!
Good luck with the Poker Run tomorrow. I have no doubt that it will be a wonderful success and another great tribute to Christi.
Much love,
Olivia
Angela, in response to your "having more questions than answers" discussion on the blog, I thought I would share this quote with you. I struggle with many of the same questions regarding my brother and when I read this, it brought me some comfort to know that I was not alone in feeling lost, sad, and some times, so very alone, despite sharing the grief with so many.
Thinking of you all.
"For a long time, I have had what I had considered a very "Christian" attitude towards death. Death was not to be feared. It was not permanent, It was not the final say. It was not the end. After all, where was Death's sting? However, I had ignored the fact that we are physical, temporal creatures. We exist in this material world where there is true pain, loss, and absence. Even though we may have complete faith that in the afterlife we will see a beloved again, that person is still completely absent from this world. This world that we cannot escape until we too pass on. There's a hole in the world now. In the place where [she] was, there's now just nothing. What causes suffering is not just that the person is no longer living, but that the person is absent, never to be touched, heard, or seen again. So it is with all memories of [her]. They all lead into that blackness. It's all over, over, over. All I can do is remember [her]. I can't experience [her].
~ Nicholas Wolterstorff
Since I know my last quote "share" was more to reflect the questions, here is one that is more about hope.
Another Shore
I am standing on the seashore.
a ship appears
and spreads her white sails
to the morning breeze and starts for the ocean.
She is an object of beauty and
I stand watching her till at last she fades away on the horizon,
and someone at my side quietly
says,
“She is gone” Gone where?
Gone from vision, that’s all;
She is just as large as when I saw her last.
The diminished size and the total loss of sight
is in me, not in her; and
just at that moment when someone at my side says;
“She is gone”
there are others who are watching
her coming and other voices
take up a joyful shout,
“There she comes”.
And that is dying.
- Unknown(to me)
Such sweet, sweet pictures of Shayla! She looks like she was having a ball. How precious!
I'm glad you were able to enjoy the concert.
Sending you much love and many prayers,
Heather
Today I saw a sweet sign advertising Alex's Lemonade Stand for this weekend in my town (west hartford, ct) and thought of what good Alex and Christi are still bringing to this world - even from Heaven!
Thank you for continuing to share your story and pictures.
Shayla looks so happy sitting up there on daddy's shoulders. I had been wondering if the Thomas Team would be running a lemonade stand this summer but I know that it'd be terribly sad and very hard for you all. There will be many stands around the US this weekend that'll help get us one step closer to finding the much needed cure for NB, one cup at a time! I hope everything goes well tomorrow with Christi's Memorial Poker Run. I know the amazing angel Christi will be right there with you. Stay Strong!
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