Angela's First Day with Christi's Classmates
Well, I've put off writing about it most likely because the pain is still great. And when an fellow NB Angel Mom wrote and said there could not be anything harder than that and another said my next tough day will be the last day of school, the tears fell again. The tears started as I backed out of the driveway. Shayla asked what was wrong and in between shaking and crying I tried to explain that Christi would have been in my classes this year for reading and English and it was going to be so hard to see her friends, especially since I'm now teaching a gifted 7th grade reading class and I know exactly which class she would have been in. I think in my big babble of tears I said what I shouldn't have said something like, "It's just not fair that she didn't get to go past the fifth grade; she only got to go to four days of fifth grade. She just loved school so much and some of the kids don't like school and are mean to each other. It's just not fair." She said, "Really? I thought she went like five months or something. You're right. That's not very long." Then I realized what a horrible impact I was probably making on Shayla so I "sucked it up", got myself together and drove off. I think I should probably have received an Academy Award for my teaching performance on Monday. No one would have ever known how challenged I was! I'm still too upset and it's so painful to write about it. I'll reflect when I can.
Shayne called tonight. He's now in Glasgow, Scotland. While packing we were joking that he should take his kilt and find a Highland Games to compete in. Little did we know, it'd take 48 hours for his luggage to catch up with him and that kilt would have come in handy (hee hee)! Regardless, it was fabulous to hear his voice and I'm so thankful I can email with him. I just wish he had time to hunt down some of his long lost relatives while in Scotland! He's exhausted and said he's never had a more grueling travel schedule, going to all of these little towns and doing so much in such a short time frame. I miss him terribly and am thankful he'll soon be home!
Shay's First Day of 4th Picture
Christi's First Day of 4th Pic
Christi and friends at lunch (First Day of School, 2nd grade)
(Waiting in my classroom before school. First day of 2nd grade - FINALLY back to school after only ever attending nine days of school in her lifetime. Yippee!!)
Christi with her friends and Shayla at recess 
Picture: Fall 2005, 4th grade
posted by the Thomas team @ 6:42 PM
8 Comments:
I can't tell you how many times I have prayed for you this week. It makes me hate cancer with all my being. My grandma was diagnosed with breast cancer 2 weeks ago tomorrow. She is taking it so well and has repeated that she has lived 83 wonderful years and she has been without my papa for over 25 years due to his loss to lung cancer. Oh how, I wish Christi had 83 years to contemplate. Only 9 years and she lived them with so much grace and love. What a special little girl who wore that sweet smile so proud.
My heart aches for you! You are loved and prayed for!
-Kimberly
Sending many, many hugs to you, Angela!
I loved the Pictures of your two beautiful Daughters Angela ! Angela you really are the most amazing person on earth ! The pain that you deal with is undescribable , Christi must be so proud of you right now. I really cant imagine what it's like for you to walk into that classroom and look at Christi's friends without bursting into tears, I know i wouldn't be able to do it , You really are an incredible person ! I can't believe how much Christi and Shayla look like each other on there first day's of 4th Grade - It's lovely to see how much Shayla is growing up ! Your right it's not fair atall that Christi Only made it to 5th Grade . To know how much Christi loved school must be so tough for you to deal with .Christi really was an incredibly talented wonderful and clever young lady , It's such a shame that she never got to be taught by her beautiful and incredibly intelligent mom - like she always wanted ! - I hope that Christi is being taught in Heaven in a wonderful Classroom by the most powerful man himself - God ! sending heaps of prayers,thoughts and love your way Amber xxxxxxx ( Shayla I'm so glad that you are having a brilliant time at School ! - Keep up the good work )
Angela, I'm sending you a great big hug. I'm so sorry your first day was so difficult. I wish I had some magic words to make you feel better, but hopefully knowing you're in all our prayers is comforting.
I don't mean to sound mean but I feel you focus so much on "what ifs" that you are taking away precious time from Shayla and probably make her feel guilty for being able to do more than her sister. You need to celebrate Christy's life and not continue to mourn it. She was a beautiful girl and touched so many and she wouldn't want you to dread all the things she didn't get to do but to celebarte all the things she did.
I sometimes feel like poor Shayla - she probably thinks maybe I shouldn't get to experience this because its not fair that my sister didn't. Embrace the time you had and try to focus on positive instead of what should have been, don't take away from Shayla - you still have her. I don't mean to offend you and I know that you are still healing but I am just explaining how it looks to me from the outside. I will continue to pray that it will get easier for you.
It is hard for me to even fathom what you are going through. As always, you are in our prayers each day - I know the day couldn’t have been easy, but you do have one very special angel looking out for you. In fact, Christi was probably giving your “performance” a standing ovation! May God continue to help you find blessings each day.
From a "lurker" that doesn't sign often, just has a special place in our hearts!
Shayne's in Glasgow? I live in Edinburgh! Next time he is here I would be delighted to show him some of the country. I feel like I know you all but have never met you.
God bless
Amanda x
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