Relaxing Now
(PIC: The Glacial Grooves were carved into limestone bedrock during the last Ice Age, about 18,000 years ago.) With what seems like the "weight of the world" off of my shoulders, I've really been able to enjoy the summer now! (I know I should start preparing for my oral examinations, but.......I've been playing instead!) We spent Sunday with Aunt Marty and Uncle Jeff. We took the Kelley's Island Ferry over to the Island with our bikes, and had a great day of biking, hiking, swimming and eating. 
Shayla and I went to the cemetery on Monday. That always ends in tears. This time was no exception, but strangly enough my sister called me just as we got back into the van. It should have made me very happy she was checking in on me, and it did, but it also made me sad knowing Shayla will never have a sister pick up the phone and call her. When I asked Shayla at the cemetery if she missed Christi too she immediately responded, "Of course. How could I not?" The last time we were there, there was a little treat with her name on it. That was an amazing surprise! I really must get her cemetery plaque ordered. I just keep putting it off, not wanting to do the very last thing I can possibly do for her.
A couple of weeks ago, when my sister came up she told me what time they'd arrive. Then she called me back and said that Shelby changed her mind about stopping at the cemetery and they'd be a bit later becuase now she wanted to stop and visit Christi's grave. Originally, Shelby did not want to because it would be too sad, but then as they drove by Shelby told Tina that she couldn't be any more sad than she already was so they might as well turn around and go back to the cemetery. When I met up with Shelby, her face was still glistening with tears. Christi's death has been hard on all of us. When I asked Shayne yesterday why it was still so hard for me to go to the cemetery he told me that we loved her so much, we will always miss her so much. That is so very true. She was loved. I often wonder would it be better to have really loved and lost, or to have never loved at all. Loving hurts!
(Aunt Marty & Shayla) Soon it will be "OSU Football Season" and these two ladies will be spending a lot of time together while we go root for the Buckeyes!
posted by the Thomas team @ 7:26 AM
4 Comments:
It's just so sad.
But how much more full your lives are to have loved Christi...
(I comment very infrequently...but the one post that always stays with me is the short video of sweet Christi talking about her family. Oh my, what a beautiful child!)
Sending big hugs out to Shelby. Poor girl, she's got to be missing her cousin terribly. What a huge void Christi has left. I'm so very sorry. At least Shelby and Shayla have each other. Not that it's a replacement for her sweet sister, but it's special in it's own way.
By the cruelest twist of fate imaginable, your family has become a model for how to thrive, rather than merely survive, after the loss of a precious child. Children represent the future, and when a child is taken away, it feels as if the future has closed itself up and all opportunities and horizons have been obliterated. I remember the exact moment I read of Christi's death. After four years of following your online journal, I had lulled myself into believing that something would happen to change the outcome. Dr.Maris had done it before, in February of 2006, when Christi seemed gravely ill. Surely, he would do it again, I thought, even as I read Shayne's desperate prayer: "if you are indeed a merciful god, then take her tonight." No, it seemed impossible that this child would die. But she did. The blog showed a photo of a cherubic Christi, full of life, with a trumpet in her hand, resting on clouds. "Heaven's Newest Angel" was the title. I gasped. I felt the hot sting of tears. The truly impossible had happened. The child that everyone had followed, the family that everyone had loved from afar, had suffered the worst fate. It truly was, as Shayne wrote, a film noir, grim, miserable, and indeed hopeless. For it felt like hope was snatched away on the day Christi died. Some of us had never met her, yet we mourned as if she were our best and dearest friend. How would we go on without reading about her latest jokes, seeing posts of her crafts (that Spongebob, for instance, looked so professional, or the tile of the mother cat and kittens, or her large art project). Shayla's antics with her sister were another tremendous source of joy! The heart break of thinking that that dear girl would be without the bosom bond of sisterhood was profoundly unbearable. Amazingly, your family has made the most important transition from surviving to thriving. You are pushing through and pushing on, truly living the life that Christi would want you to live. How many times have we heard: "to honour her life, you must live yours"? I have never seen anyone do it. Grief is so powerful; it can be terribly destructive. Marriages fail, addictions take hold, depression and even suicidal thoughts are the norm. Your family remains a beacon of hope. It is a burden none of you asked for, but you have somehow gracefully accepted. And it is so true to the way you raise your children, developing their minds and spirits, knowing these two can never be imprisoned. The greatest quote of Christi's is, for many of us, "I'm not sick. I just have cancer." Her wisdom parallels the quotation often cited by Shayne, "Don't wait out the storm. Learn to dance in the rain." You are dancing. And you are giving us music to dance by. Thank you for your daughter and for your family which continues to offer hope in desperate times.
Anonymous, that was a wonderful comment you left. I feel exactly the same but could not write it in such a fantastic way you just did!
Post a Comment
<< Home