Two Months Ago Today

Two months ago today, Christi took her final breath at 9AM and it was like she slowly floated away away from us. Shayne and I sobbed at her bedside holding her precious, warm, little body that just couldn't withstand any more. My Angel friends have told me the most difficult months are yet ahead, but I cannot imagine how I can hurt any more than I do right now.

A sweet friend, Mike, sent a book - "Children Mourn, Mourning Children" to help our family through this tragic journey. According to this book I've learned that 99% of marriages experience incredibly challenging times and children mourn in children-like way. They grieve off and on over short periods of time. That helped me explain while Shayla will be so sad one moment and then suddenly off playing. It also informed me that while her grief will probably not last two years like ours, it will last much longer than most would ever anticipate, know or understand.

Last night after our bedtime stories Shayla told me she'd like to have a tenth birthday party for all of Christi's friends on Christi's birthday - May 12th. I told her we had been thinking the same thing and are thinking about perhaps an afternoon tea party since Christi loved having high tea. This week Christi would have turned nine and a half. Knowing how fragil life is and how special children are, we always celebrated the girls' half birthdays. I think all families should celebrate them and give their kids extra time, love and attention on their "half birthday". Who knows if the real one will ever come?

Our Hero & Inspiration: Angel Shane! (Another victim of neuroblastoma, flew Home November 2004)
Christi with her darling OSU scrubs (CHOP - March 2006)


Last night, before we took my mom out for dinner for her birthday, the three of us enjoyed watching the OSU-Michigan football game together. We're not a real strong sports family so this was a unique event. This year I am a full time student at OSU so out of loyalty I felt like I had to watch the game - and it was a great one! I also couldn't help but wonder if Shane and Christi had a rivalry going on in Heaven too! Certainly, Shane & Christi had the best seats in Heaven - most likely hovering over the 50 yard line (or perhaps with the band since Shane was so talented and was a star in his high school band and maybe Christi was with the amazing OSU cheerleaders since she loved the autographed poster they once sent her). Regardless, it gave me something happy to think about. Mommy misses you, sweetpea! I wish you could have worn your red OSU shirt to school on Friday. I saw many of your friends "decked out" in scarlet and gray and I wished you could have done that too! Shayla has decided that your cat, Buckeye, would be a good cat for Brutus (OSU's Mascot) to have. What do you think? Don't worry. Shayla is taking VERY good care of your cats. You should be proud of her - we are!