Made It

Other than a few fleeting thoughts which made me sad, I was so busy today I didn’t have time to think about the realities of it all. My students are awesome and made me realize how much I had missed teaching. Before I left for work I had to give myself a pep talk and remind myself that Christi would not understand why I had not returned to school the day after she was buried. Christi would go to school when she was too ill to go, but she’d do it anyway. Why couldn’t I? She would never have thought that I have spent at least one time per day curled up crying my eyes out over her death and the loss of her precious, young life. She would have thought I should just run out the door and go to school, a place where we were always safe and always "free" from cancer!

The picture I snapped of Christi's bedroom, exactly the way she left it, shows the calendar which she kept and maintained all summer – counting the days down until the start of school. While it makes me sad, I also continue to be filled with gratitude that she was able to attend for her first week of school at all given the daily increases of pain and fatigue. It was almost like “she knew” and was holding out to make it to school one last week before her rapid decline.

I actually jumped at one point at work today: I was in the lobby area with Mr. Jones and the middle school kids reviewing for their part in the Veteran’s Day program tomorrow. A couple of students motioned that someone was behind me and I turned and thought I saw Christi. It was Shayla, with her hair in a pony tail like Christi sometimes wore and of course wearing yet another Christi shirt. She had such a strong resemblance to Christi it was all so eerie. Shayla’s sweet teacher had sent her to me to get some cough drops. It was a very odd feeling.

After school Shayla and I went out to the cemetery. It was Shayla’s first trip and she asked me to bring her back again soon. She was mostly fascinated with the dirt being so low in comparison to the grass area and also wondered how Grandma Nonee’s coffin is actually going to fit between Christi & Grandpa’s because the area is so close. She also stood on the plot selected for her if ever needed and the ones above the girls selected for Shayne and I. She had fun jumping from gravesite to gravesite. I just kept thinking, “Oh, this isn’t really happening, right?” What brought us both incredible joy was finding three new items left at Christi’s grave: a darling, little Halloween candle, a Princess keychain and a beautiful ceramic / stone cat statue. God’s people are amazing, absolutely gifts to be treasured!

I have an ABSOLUTELY AMAZING “gem of a Christi story” to share. Some may read and think the three of us are crazy and that it isn’t true, but it is! Had it not happened to us, I would think so too! The story is a bit lengthy and my time here tonight is short, but soon I will tell you what makes us believe that Christi’s spirit didn’t die and that she is with us when we need help! (More later about our unbelievable surprise which makes me VERY excited!)

Tonight I learned that a huge Christi Prayer Warrior joined Christi back in God’s great Kingdom, Sister Gertrude- 83 years young. With Sister age I never thought it would be Christi welcoming Sister Gertrude to God's great Kingdom, but I’m certain that is what happened! Christi and I went to visit Sister at the Convent’s Infirmary at the end of July when Sister had taken a turn for the worse. I was absolutely stunned with how sharp Sister's mind was and how gentle she was, as always, with Christi at her bedside. Two amazing dynamos; together in a better place! God rest your sweet, soul, amazing Sister Gertrude. We love you!!(PIC: Sister Gertrude with Christi at Heidelberg's Lemonade Stand - September 23, 2005 CT at Berg's lemonade stand, 9/23/05 (Exactly one year to the day before she was buried)