First Day of School? NOT!

Grandpa wanted to take the girls to school early one day that week so I left early. Grandpa snapped this photo of Shayne walking the girls in. What I wouldn't do to go back a year ago and see the smile on their faces, so happy to be back in school.





I do remember this happening one other time in my nearly twenty year teaching career......This morning school was delayed and then cancelled due to the large amounts of rain and flooding in our area so we ended up at the cemetery and on the campus of BGSU! While Shayla was happy to cuddle up with daddy early this morning, I only thought that the anxiety I had been experiencing would now continue one more day. I feel like I just want to get this over with and then it will be better; however, I think next year will possibly be even more difficult because Christi really wanted me to be her 7th grade teacher and I would have loved nothing more. I think teaching her friends, and not her, will be crushing next year. First though, making it through this year.

I spent the majority of the day cleaning and going through things that I'd been putting off. I finally moved Christi's purse off of the shelf, by the door, where it'd be hanging since she left it there a year ago. Going through it was so odd. I kept thinking, "You're not supposed to be going through someone else's purse!" (And - smile - also, "OK, I need to get rid of the junk in mine so that my family is not left going through it!!") Christi had a paper wallet that she made (Imagine that!). I need to take a picture of it, complete with all of the hand drawings and colored pencil colorings. She neatly has some dollar bills - perfectly arranged in it; I couldn't remove them. She was also quite a little change collector. Inside her purse she had TWO little coin purses, FILLED with coins. I caught myself from counting the money because I knew it'd just be too sad and would delay things so I put it in a little plastic bag for Shayne to take to the bank, or to include with his change. I just don't want to think each time I reach in my purse that I can't use THAT dime because it was Christi's. I must move on, no matter how hard.

While leafing through her books today, I opened up one with a chapter called "My Major Problems". It asked, "When you're afraid and don't know what to do or where to turn, who are you going to call? Forget Ghostbusters!" In Christi's little handwriting is written: "When I am afraid, I will trust in You. I will call on God." So after mopping up those tears, I somehow went on - missing her desperately goes without saying.

Now for the most INCREDIBLY AWESOME part of the day: We went to the cemetery. I wasn't going to get out because of the flooding I didn't want our shoes to get muddy before meeting with Shayla's "spelling teacher" in Bowling Green. Then I decided that I needed to tidy it up because I could see some of the pinwheels were broken so we got out. I am soooooooooooo sooooooooooooo sooooooooooooooooooooo glad I did!!! We immediately saw a fresh, large zip lock bag with a card inside. "Christi" was written on the card and a small pin of the flag of Canada was on the corner. I snatched it right up and then paused for a long time as Shayla said, "Mom are you going to open it?" I said, "Well, I thought so but now I feel like I'd be imposing on Christi's private business if I did." (long pause) "Can I open it?" Shayla asked. (Remember this is the little sister who opened up and read her sister's diary's the night Christi died.) I finally said, "Well, I'm dying to know who left this so I'm going to open it up." Inside was a precious Siamese kitten on the front of the card. Inside was written:

Dearest Christi,

On what should have been your first day of sixth grade, you now know all the mysteries of the universe and you learned it all from the Creator Himself. No more speculation, no more theories, you know all the truth and I'm sure your brilliant mind soaked all of it in. Keep watching over your family!

Tracey, Phil, Joshua and Kayla (Internet friends from Canada)

Shayla asked if she could wear the pin. I told her that I wanted to wear it to the first day of school tom morrow, but then we could share it after that. She said that was fine.

If that sweet, sweet Canadian family would please email me (zzartset@bright.net) I would really appreciate it. Tracey, you have NO IDEA how profoundly this touched me and then soon Shayne as I called him choking away tears trying to read the card to him. For the first time I couldn't pray at Christi's gave. I had to ask Shayla to please pray for me because I just couldn't believe that someone drove to another country and actually located Christi's cemetery - not to mention her grave since her mother can't muster up the courage to select her darn plaque yet!!!! What incredible, loving kindness!! Additionally, I can't help but think we just missed you because the baggie was so clean - no rain spots, very little mud. (We were there at 2:30 this afternoon and when Shayla said, "Mom, wasn't there a brown car pulling out when we pulled in?" I remembered yes indeed there was.) Also, I wonder if this is the same sweet Canadian mom who emailed a month or so ago and inquired about what to do at COSI and Cedar Point because they were taking their summer vacation to Ohio. I didn't think too much about it, but now I actually wonder if little Christi's life inspired a family to do this. (And I really hope they had a great time; the weather hasn't been the best.) And I feel horrible that I didn't get to meet them in person and at least invite them over for lunch. We LOVE meeting new people!

Shayne jokingly suggested that if this family really did do a "Christi Tour" then we could put together a bus trip or something for next summer - getting together and enjoying all of Christi's favorite places for a few days, what fun! Of course he said, "We'd need to put together three trips: One for an Ohio tour, one for a NYC tour and one for a Philly tour which will start at the US Mint!"


Next, it was on to meet up with Jennifer on campus. Since we didn't have school and could therefore leave early, I thought we could catch up and treat her to dinner before Shayla's tutoring session. Shayla LOVED being on campus and going in the dorm rooms. I cannot believe how much my old school has changed!! Now there are RAs who are not your same sex and the floors aren't just co-ed, but males/females are mixed on the floors. (Boy, I must be old!) Candy bars and many other items are sold in the dining halls and let's just say Shayla can't wait to go to college. She thought living with five other girls would be the greatest. So, hopefully, although the rain continues to beat down, we will get through our first day of school tomorrow! (Every time I woke up last night I panicked. Hopefully, tonight I'll sleep better.)

A year ago Grandpa (Shayne's father) arrived in town. He'll again be here on Thursday for his annual visit. While we're looking forward to his visit, it also keeps reminding us of how we spent this last time together one short year ago.

The beginning of her downfall. Little did I know on this day how terribly ill she was. Each day we'd come home from school and cuddle. I think this photo was on Wednesday. By Sunday, Shayne was transporting her back to Philadelphia. Conceived in Pennsylvania, died in Pennsylvania, yet she LIVED LARGE in Pennsylvania too! That is what I need to focus on.