Open House
>August 2006: Open HouseChristi met her teacher, some new classmates, passed out beaded keychains to all of the new girls in her fifth grade class and assembled all of her school supplies last year at Open House night. She was busy and in all her glory. I still think it's horrible that she only got to use those school supplies she loved for four days. (Last spring I asked for them because I didn't want anything to happen to them and they were packaged up for me and walked out to my van so I wouldn't have to see them. I've yet to open that package. It still sits in our bedroom; I'm not that brave.)
Through a daze, I think, I made it through my own Jr. High Open House last night. When it was time for Shayla's (one hour later) I packed up and headed out the door. I know that was a mean thing for me to do to Shayne, struggling terribly himself in recent weeks, but I just could not face it at all. It was like "flight or fight" kicked in and I needed to flee. What "should" have been Christi's sixth grade classroom is just at the end of my hall. I find my eyes keep going there like she's going to walk out of the room and say, "I'm back! Did I fool you?" or something. I was hoping to avoid her classmates and their parents last night because it is probably the most difficult thing for me. (Christi loved those kids and I wish she were still with them). One sweet family came up to me. The mom had tears pouring down her cheeks and she gave me a huge hug. I left and just drove around until Shayne called. I am feeling so alone right now I didn't want to go home to an empty house too. I drove past St. Joe's as I knew it was a day of Holy Obligation; however, I couldn't make myself stop and go in to pray.
All of my lessons are ready for next week, but I selected completely different units to begin the year. I don't want anything to be the same as it was last year; I want to try to be distracted from the hell that was going on last August/September. May God give me strength.
Today is my final OSU class for the summer. I have just four classes left now for my Ph.D. program and I will, God and health willing, finish them all this school year. Next summer I will be taking my oral and written examinations. Regardless, driving home this afternoon will be a glorious feeling and a weight off of my shoulders!
posted by the Thomas team @ 5:54 AM
8 Comments:
Angela,
Be gentle with yourself. I check on you every day, and wish you and Shayne and Shayla and Christi were spared these miseries.
Vickie
Holding you tightly in my thoughts and prayers - as I'm sure Christi is too. Love, Eliza
That precious little girl loved school more than anyone I have ever known. I can not imagine how hard last night was for you, Shayne and Shayla. I pray that God gives you all the strength and courage you need to get through the next month and a half.
I know that there is no way that you can ever express in writing the complete anguish that you feel daily and you miss your baby girl more than one could ever imagine. God and prayers got Christi through so much and they continue faithfully for the rest of the Thomas team. May the grace of the Lord be with you through these toughest of days.
My dear friend- I'm just so sorry that last night was so terribly difficult for you. It's unfair that Christi doesn't get to enjoy school this year. It makes me so sad and my heart just hurts for and with you.
I love you dearly!
Lots of love and tons of prayers for you always,
Heather
Oh, Angela, this post broke my heart. I can't even begin to imagine your pain. I was never able to meet Christi in person and yet I too feel like she should be starting another school year, enjoying time at COSI and riding the many rollercoasters at Cedar Point, among so many other of her favorite activities.
I know nothing can be said to ease the pain, but please know I am thinking of you. You are all in my prayers during this difficult time.
Much love,
Olivia
I just want to let you know that you, Shayne and Shayla are in my thoughts. I can't imagine the pain you are feeling....all over again. I imagine that the memories just tear you apart all over again. The one year anniversary is the marking of a lot of lasts.... Please know that you are in my thoughts.
I really hope that God grants you the strength for the start of the school year. And, I hope it is wonderful for you and Shayla. And, lastly, I am positive that Christi is rooting for you in heaven.
You guys are in my thoughts always
oh god Angela, i'm so sorry for all your emotional pain.. i don't blame you for fleeing.. today i donated 10 inches of my haire to locks of love!! i was so scared because i had had long hair for so long.. but it was definatrely very well worth it. i'll try to send you guys pictures!
*Leah*
Good luck with this school year.
I can't imagine the pain you feel, but please know that a fellow Buckeye's heart is with you.
You are so close to your PhD. You must be so nervous, and excited.
Be well and be strong!
~Laura Hickman (lamibe@aol.com)
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