Eleven Years Ago Today She Left us

Eleven years ago this morning, she left us.  When Christi was born, I assumed I'd teach her about the world.  Little did I know then, I would teach the world about her.  Her website, www.ChristiThomas.com, quite novel back in 2002 when sweet Webby created it, hit "one million" unique visitors on the day of her funeral. I now have guilt about sharing her story with others, now knowing how hard they were also hurt by her death. With Christi's intelligence, wit, attitude, spunk, humor and desire to love others (including the furry ones), she was hard not to fall in love with!  I feel like from the moment she was born she took the world by storm.

I have guilt about trying so hard to save her life and putting her though the hell of the the many horrific and painful experimental Phase I treatments she endured instead of just letting her go.  We did all of that to her thinking and praying each new experimental trial would be the very thing to save her life and we wanted to live with no regrets feeling like we did everything we could, but now I question that.  Christi was too awesome not to try all of those Phase I and II clinical trials, but I do feel differently now remembering all she went through -- the pain, the pills, the needles, the sicknesses, the surgeries, the transfusions, the treatments and more.  

Sadly, in 2017, the statistics for Stage IV neuroblastoma are still horrible.  In September of 2002, Christi was five years old at the time of diagnosis, which is very old for this cancer and which makes it nearly impossible to cure.  She was only given a 35% chance of living the next five years.  They were right.  She didn't make it five years.  Neuroblastoma, stage IV, diagnosed after the age of two, is a beast!

Today I tell myself not to be salty, but I must admit I am.  I can usually force myself to put on a smile and look on the bright side and to be filled with thanks and gratitude, but quite frankly, today I'm just sad she's not here and wasn't given a chance to make the significant contribution in this world I really believe she would have made.  I'm heading out to spend the day with some awesome former students in their classrooms again today and I'm thankful for that!  It will be a great way to not dwell on the fact our sweetheart isn't physically here because of a monster called childhood cancer.  My deepest thanks for all who loved our daughter and who supported us during our many troublesome days.  We know Christi was deserving, but we are not.  Thank you!